Morgothas
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Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
Posts: 1,300
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Post by Morgothas on Oct 15, 2006 12:24:44 GMT -5
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
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Post by isis63 on Oct 15, 2006 12:25:06 GMT -5
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the post about the southern cousins........... That is way too funny, thank you, merci, grazie, dank u, obrigado, gracias! I'm going to collect more turnips just for you! I'm taking slight offense to the blond joke though, not all of us are stupid, LOL!
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Morgothas
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Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
Posts: 1,300
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Post by Morgothas on Oct 15, 2006 12:26:58 GMT -5
You'll love this one then....
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Post by isis63 on Oct 15, 2006 12:30:27 GMT -5
I'm still laughing, thank you for being so entertaining...........
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Post by isis63 on Oct 15, 2006 12:31:38 GMT -5
Here is my lame attempt at being funny (since my dad and b/f are both cops.....)
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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Morgothas
Clan Member
Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
Posts: 1,300
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Post by Morgothas on Oct 15, 2006 12:33:54 GMT -5
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.
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Morgothas
Clan Member
Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
Posts: 1,300
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Post by Morgothas on Oct 15, 2006 12:37:50 GMT -5
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
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Post by sirinnu on Oct 15, 2006 12:44:53 GMT -5
Hehe, you know quite a load of nice jokes morgothas.
I particularly like the one about alternate vasectom,,, hehe
And Isis, things to not tell to a cop, , I must remember some of these for the next time I cross theyr path.
You are both good entertainers... keep laughing
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Post by isis63 on Oct 15, 2006 17:28:20 GMT -5
I borrowed this off my b/f's computer: I'm posting it only because i gave Morg such a hard time about blond jokes............. A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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Magule
Sen
Clan Member
Wizards and Warriors Rocks!!!!!
Posts: 7,187
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Post by Magule on Oct 15, 2006 19:02:53 GMT -5
i think morgothas is just going to a joke site and copy pasting he doesnt know that many jokes
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Post by isis63 on Oct 15, 2006 19:18:54 GMT -5
That's a thought, LOL. I went to my b/f's computer and copied some of his........... In his defense though, at least he is entertaining us...........
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Magule
Sen
Clan Member
Wizards and Warriors Rocks!!!!!
Posts: 7,187
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Post by Magule on Oct 16, 2006 8:18:23 GMT -5
haha...very true
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Morgothas
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Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
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Post by Morgothas on Oct 17, 2006 17:26:16 GMT -5
I know jokes !!!!!!! Just not any that I could tell on here
What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen? Far-from-thinkin.
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Magule
Sen
Clan Member
Wizards and Warriors Rocks!!!!!
Posts: 7,187
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Post by Magule on Oct 18, 2006 2:21:18 GMT -5
haha
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Post by isis63 on Oct 18, 2006 5:16:49 GMT -5
Bad joke of the day: Why didn't the skelton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts..............
(courtesy of my 6yo daughter)
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