Morgothas
Clan Member
Chief Welcomer
Beware of George my pet Beholder
Posts: 1,300
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Post by Morgothas on Dec 2, 2007 11:40:04 GMT -5
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Hody
Paladin
Clan Member
I came... I saw... I fumbled...
Posts: 2,115
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Post by Hody on Dec 5, 2007 4:37:16 GMT -5
glad you liked it
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Post by Ninja Dathron on Dec 12, 2007 19:38:35 GMT -5
Two Irishmen went fishing. After a couple hours of hard, fishless labor, one of the Irishmen pulled up a bottle. A genie popped out of the bottle, and said to the Irishman, "Because you have freed me, I shall grant you one wish." The Irishman thinks...and thinks....and finally says, "Alright, then, hows about you turn this lake into beer!" The genie says, "Done." and disappears. The Irishmen look down, and yes, the lake is now filled with beer. The Irishman smiles, and says to his friend, "Well, what do ya think of that?" and the other Irishman says, "You idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat."
Joke number 2: Two guys sit down at a resteraunt. They get their menus, and then a pretty waitress comes over to take their order. The first guy looks at his menu and orders a steak. The second guy takes some time, and finally says, "I think I'll have a quickie." The waitress, horrified, slaps him in the face and stomps into the kitchen. The other guy says to his friend, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE."
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Post by sirinnu on Dec 16, 2007 2:44:25 GMT -5
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Post by Bloodcry on Dec 26, 2007 17:39:20 GMT -5
a burgler is breaking into a families house one night. as he jumped through the window, he turned on his flashlight and started looking for valuables to steal. as he was heading for a stereo he suddenly hear:
"Jesus is watching you".
scared stiff, he starts looking around the room to see where the voice came from. just like that he spots a parrot in the corner.
the burgler asks the parrot "was that you?"
the parrot squawks "yep".
the burgler asks the parrot "who are you?"
"I'm moses" replies the parrot.
the burgler give himself a quiet little laugh then asks "what kind of people name their parrot Moses."
the parrot smiles and says "the same kind of people that name their pit bull Jesus."
thats my joke. post in response and let me know what you think.
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Post by facepuncher500 on Dec 28, 2007 8:44:03 GMT -5
"I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy." Mitch Hedberg "What's another word for Thesaurus?" -- Steven Wright "I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot." --Chris Rock "If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?" -- Steven Wright
Hobos are funny <a href="http://s57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/facepuncher500/?action=view¤t=homo2.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/facepuncher500/homo2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
<a href="http://s57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/facepuncher500/?action=view¤t=282470277_l.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/facepuncher500/282470277_l.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
"I didn't know what to do for my science project, so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt... just hoping she'd know I'm an idiot and walk right on past me. "What do you have there, Brian?" "...It's a cup of dirt." Just put an F on there and let me go home. "Well, explain it." Well, it's a CUP with DIRT in it. I call it 'cup of dirt.' You should move on now. You should go ahead and move on down the line now." --Brian Reagan
If you're looking for a joke, just stare inbetween your legs.
FacePuncher500
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Post by tripop on Jan 8, 2008 3:01:14 GMT -5
Some true humor:
I had to go to court the other day for a traffic ticket. As the other people were coming up to the table and the judge read what their crime was and the penalty, the next man to be called was a long bushy haired burnt out looking hippie.
The Judge said: "Mister so and so... You have been charged with possession of marijuana." He then goes on to explain the consequences of such action in a delightful tone: "This is a very minor crime. Punishable by maximum four hundred and fifty dollar fine and one day in jail."
To that the man's reply was:
"So this is a Minor crime right?"
boyoftrash:
Im going to send you this joke in a PM (appropriatenes) But it's really not that bad, but funny.
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Post by omar1ofg on Feb 26, 2008 20:15:42 GMT -5
ok here my best one.
the lion is having a birthday party tomorrow because its gana be his birth day so he gathers all the animals in the jungle. and says " tomorrow is my birthday and as a present i want everyone to bring me fruit with soft skin and if you bring me a hard skin fruit i will take it and shove it up your but " but a hippo and a monkey dont pay attention. the next day a giraffe get him a apple, the lion eats it, next came a parrot and gave him some berries, the lion eats it. then the hippo comes and gives him some walnuts, the lion got mad and takes the walnuts up his but and the hippo starts smiling and the lion ask " whats so funny" oh its just that my friend the monkey told me he was gana bring you some coconuts. ;D
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iaai03
Clan Member
iaai? California, British Columbia, Oklahoma
Posts: 100
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Post by iaai03 on Feb 27, 2008 4:58:16 GMT -5
A pope died. This pope was very famous for his humility, piety and learning: in other words he was a really good, kind and moral pope. Saint Peter met him at the pearly gates. He said that because of the pope's kind of life on earth he was beloved of God and could use any facilities in heaven. As the pope was found of learning and truth, he asked Saint Peter if there was some place that might have all that God had said. Saint Peter said that there was a huge library with everything that God had communicated to man and that the pope could have access to it any time he wished. So, several days later screaming and yelling is heard from the library. Saint Peter and others go to the library where they see the pope yelling and screaming, "There's an "R," there's an "R!" Saint Peter tries to calm the pope and questions him, "What's the matter." The Pope said that he decided to look up celebate [sic, celibate]and ..., "There's an "R!"
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Post by tripop on Feb 29, 2008 12:47:56 GMT -5
Why is Tigger so dirty? 'Cuz he plays with Poo all day!
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Post by Ninja Dathron on Mar 10, 2008 11:14:43 GMT -5
Why'd the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken....
BOOO HISSS HISSSS
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dingy
W&W Veteran
Posts: 610
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Post by dingy on Mar 12, 2008 3:01:30 GMT -5
an indian holding a shotgun walks into a restaurant and orders a cup of coffee. he finishes his coffee and then grabs a pile of cow crap flings it into the air and shoots it with his shotgun, then leaves. the next day he walks back into the restaurant and orders another cup of coffee. the manager says "no, we're still picking up after that stunt you pulled yesterday, what was that all about anyway". the indian looks at him and says "i'm training to be a manager, i come in drink coffee, shoot the nuts, and leave the mess for everyone else to clean up.
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Post by mike007 on Mar 16, 2008 10:48:36 GMT -5
How do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
Flip it over.
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Post by tripop on Mar 17, 2008 22:50:51 GMT -5
How do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool? Flip it over. Great joke, but it may be as old as this game
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Post by mike007 on Mar 18, 2008 8:48:02 GMT -5
ok how bout this one Two blondes are walking down the street. one says, "I wonder which is closer... the Moon or China?" The other blonde says, "Duh, thats easy.. you can SEE the moon."
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